Walking With Prim
by Mad Hatter 1393
Summary: It's the five year anniversary of Prim's death. I've changed my pen name which was previously HG-HPall.the.way


Today is the five year anniversary of Prim's death. Anniversaries should be something you celebrate. Any person who celebrates today is sick and I will personally murder them.

Its five whole years since Prim has died. She would be eighteen. She'd probably be advanced in medicine. She'd be learning to become a proper doctor. How tall would she be? She'd probably be my height, maybe taller. I know she'd be really pretty. Similar to how my mother looked, what with the blonde hair and the blue eyes. It's hard to think of her as eighteen. In my mind, Prim is thirteen forever.

Where are you Prim?

I know where. You're off somewhere being dead. So are Finnick, and Cinna, and Rue, and Madge, and my father and everyone else who has died. They've all left me. So has my mother. The thing is she isn't dead. I know that for a fact, but I haven't seen her in five years. The only person who knows exactly how I feel hasn't bothered to visit me in district 12 for five years. I know I haven't gone to her either, but she's the parent. It's her job to make sure I'm okay, when I'm so obviously not.

I say all of this to Peeta after he drags me out of bed this morning and forces me to sit at the kitchen table. All he does after I've finished telling him is give me a cupcake with yellow, swirly icing. I don't touch it. I just stare at it. Peeta walks out of the house, telling me that he'll be back in a minute. I'm still staring at it. Peeta comes back and goes over to the kitchen sink to fill a glass with water. I'm still staring at it. Peeta puts the glass of water in front of me and I look up. I desperately need a glass of water because my throat has become strangely dry.

But the glass of water isn't a glass of water. It's a vase full of primroses.

I look back at the cupcake. It's the kind of cupcake that Prim would stare at for a good ten minutes when we used to pass through town together.

Before she died; before the rebellion; before I was a piece of the Capitol's games.

I look back at the primroses, then at the cupcake. I look more closely at the beautifully done icing. It's a primrose. Peeta has done it so subtly, but I can see it clearly now.

I look at Peeta, who is watching me very carefully. Why would he do that? He knows that I don't want my memories of Prim to possess my mind, and what is he doing? He's letting them.

'Katniss-'

I don't listen to what he has to say. I rush out of the house to go on a walk, not even caring that I'm still wearing my pyjamas and slippers. When I walk out onto the street, I see Haymitch staggering towards me. Drunk. I wrinkle my nose in disgust.

'Hello, sweetheart,' he says, his breath smelling of alcohol and puke.

'Go die in a hole, Haymitch,' I mutter.

He yells something at me, but I don't understand what he says, so I just ignore him and walk on.

It's a bit chilly, but right now I couldn't care less. I see people staring at me, but I don't care. They don't stare for long anyway. They've got people who left them too. I start running because I want to clear my head of everyone that left me. Most of all, I want to forget that Prim left me. I don't realise where I'm going until I stop running.

I look around me and realise that I've come to the place where the electric fence used to be. I haven't gone to the woods in a while. I won't hunt today, though. It's not the same, hunting on your own; especially when you don't really need to.

More people have started coming to the woods now that the electric fence is gone and you won't be executed by the, now non-existent, peacekeepers. I wonder if anyone has found my special place; the lake; mine and my father's lake.

When I reach it, I see a girl, around thirteen or fourteen years old, sitting by the lake with her back facing me. Her blonde hair flows gently in the wind and she's hugging her knees. She goes so well with the lake and all the green trees and bushes. It looks picture perfect.

Suddenly, I realise who this girl is. How could I not have noticed? The blonde hair and the way she sits. I would know who it is from a mile away.

'Prim.'

The girl turns around and smiles at me. It's Prim. She's here. It's Prim. It's Prim!

Prim gets up from the grass and walks over to me.

'Katniss,' she says and smiles.

I say the first thing that pops into my head, 'Prim, you hate the woods.'

'Yes,' she nods. 'I do.'

We both turn silent. I look around the woods. Everywhere and anywhere; just not at Prim's face. She's going to leave me again anyway, so what's the point?

'Shall we go for a walk?'Prim asks.

I nod and we start walking through the woods.

'Prim? You don't mind if we only stay in the woods, do you?'

She shakes her head, 'No. Actually, I was going to ask you that.'

I'm slightly confused. Prim absolutely hates the woods. She would never ask for a walk in the woods. Maybe the rebellion changed her. Maybe death did. All I know is that this is not the same Prim as before. Maybe it's not even Prim. Some of the people on Snow's side could have made a muttation of her in order to ruin me so that they could bring the Hunger Games back. I know this thought is ridiculous, but it could be true.

Maybe, if Prim hadn't left me, I would've gotten used to this Prim and it wouldn't feel so strange. But she did leave me and I'm angry at her for it.

'Katniss,' Prim says. 'You know I didn't leave you on purpose, right?'

I immediately feel guilty for thinking that she did leave me on purpose. She would never do something like that. I nod whilst I think of who made her leave. Straight away I think of Gale. He designed the bomb. It's entirely his fault.

'It's not Gale's fault either,' she tells me.

Is Prim reading my mind?

I sigh. Of course I know it's not Gale's fault. He would never have used the bomb.

I hate myself for blaming everyone for leaving me. I hate myself for being angry with Peeta when he was only trying to help me. I hate myself for believing that Gale is to blame for Prim's death.

We carry on walking in a comfortable silence. When we come back to the lake, we sit down where Prim was sitting before.

'Prim, you hate the woods.'

She nods and waits for me to continue.

'Then why did you want to go on a walk in the woods?' I ask.

She thinks about this for a moment, and then says, 'Because I wanted to talk to you in a place you felt most at home.'

We sit in silence for a few more minutes. I like it like this. She's not forcing me to talk about how I feel or about what I'm thinking. She's just being Prim.

'You should go back to Peeta. He's probably wondering where you are.'

I nod and stand up.

'Bye, Katniss. And say bye to Buttercup for me.'

'Bye, Prim. I will.'

I walk back to the house quickly. Not wanting to think about anything.

When I enter the kitchen, I see that the cupcake is still there. I eat half of it and leave the other half for Peeta.

Buttercup runs in the room and jumps on me. I probably smell like Prim.

'She's not coming back.' I whisper. 'This time she's gone forever. She remembered to say goodbye though.'

Buttercup wails and I wait for my tears to come too. They don't. All I needed was to say goodbye to Prim, and I did.

I whisper to Buttercup, as I hug him tighter, 'It's all going to be okay.'

This time it actually means something.


End file.
